Identical Outcomes Are Not Created Equally

A few weeks ago my wife, Jesika, made travel arrangements for a big family vacation we've been planning for early 2015.  We'll be flying to Brisbane, Australia to see Jesika's parents who are living there for three years to lead the missionary efforts for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  She and I had discussed travel dates and my ability to take time away from work.  After staying up late into the evening searching for the best airfare, she shared the dates with my mother-in-law and purchased the tickets.  Everything was all set...until I learned that she scheduled the trip for three weeks!  I was caught off guard the next afternoon when I learned that the 10-day trip we decided on (at least that was my recollection) turned into a 21-day trip.  That simply wasn't feasible with my responsibilities at work.  

Fortunately, we were able to change the tickets within 24 hours without incurring additional costs.  We settled on a 14-day trip.  Yes...a 14-day trip to Australia to be with family that we haven't seen for 18 months.  Pretty fantastic, right?  We should all be ecstatic, shouldn't we?  

Well, the 14-day trip happens to be 33.33% less time with mom and dad / grandma and grandpa than the 21-day trip that was first communicated to my mother-in-law.  Jesika knows what a sacrifice it is for her parents to be away from family for three years.  Consequently, she felt terrible because she knows how precious the time will be for her mother...for our children to have time with grandma and grandpa.  When she called to share news of the change with her mother, she sensed a bit of disappointment.  My mother-in-law is wonderful and absolutely understood...but the disappointment was apparent in her voice.  Jesika was also understanding, but felt bad because she knew her mother was disappointed!

What if it played out like this...  What if Jesika originally scheduled and communicated a 10-day trip then I said, "Honey, I think I can actually do 14 days...let's stay longer."  First of all, I would have been a hero!  There would have been no disappointment...no let-down.  The same outcome as in the actual scenario (the 14-day trip) would have yielded only excitement and anticipation.  

What can be learned from this?  

It seems to me that the primary source of frustration - at work and at home - is unmet expectations.  When a deadline is committed to and not met...  When a forecast is confidently endorsed then not achieved...  When the size of a deal is trumpeted then scaled back significantly...  When I tell Jesika I'll be home at 6:00pm, she makes dinner plans accordingly, then I get stuck in the office until 6:45pm...  In every case, more deliberate and strategic setting of expectations can create a dramatically different mental and emotional response to identical outcomes.

I'm definitely not advocating the "sandbagging" approach.  Setting appropriate expectations requires a delicate balance between stretching yourself and making commitments you're confident you can exceed.  Of course, there will be instances where you won't meet the expectations that have been set due to unforeseen circumstances.  When you realize this is going to happen, communicate early and often to reset expectations and keep others apprised of your progress.  As long as this is the exception rather than the rule and you're able to clearly articulate why circumstances have changed...peers, bosses, spouses, friends, and teammates will probably be understanding and maintain their confidence in your reliability.  

So, lesson #2...  Always position yourself to exceed expectations.  Two people with the same performance may be perceived very differently depending on the expectations they create with others.  When you get off course and need to reset expectations, communicate early and often.  

One additional note...  There are inevitably times when we are forced to chose between conflicting personal/family and professional expectations that need to be addressed.  Sometimes it's difficult to know which ones to reset and which to pursue.  This is particularly difficult for me when I'm dealing with the tender expectations of my children.  Sometimes the correct choices are obvious and sometimes they are not.  Sometimes the answer is work and sometimes it's family.  When it's not an obvious choice, I've determined to err on the side of what's most important...which for me is family.  Also, a short, sincere prayer will often yield quiet promptings or inclinations that help me know which decisions to make.  

Discussion:  When the expectations that you've set in your personal and professional lives come into conflict with one another, how do you decide what to do?  

Finding or Remembering Your "Why"

It's been almost a year since I began a new job and moved my family from the Phoenix area to Chicago...just in time for the third coldest and snowiest winter in recorded history.  The old cliche "time flies" doesn't do justice to the velocity at which time has passed...it's been more like warp speed!  The words of the ancient Prophet, Jacob, come to mind - "the time passed away...as it were unto us a dream."  That statement frequently comes to mind as I reflect on everything that has transpired over the past 10 years of my life. In 2006, I found the woman of my dreams, Jesika, and convinced her to marry me after a four month courtship.  Four children, four states, seven moves, two graduate degrees, and two companies later I find myself in awe of the opportunities and experiences we've been afforded.  We have traveled to different countries, met incredible friends and mentors, been the recipients of countless acts of service, and have been blessed with a variety of enriching opportunities to serve.  Professionally, I've gone from being a college student, to "the intern", and now a Vice President of Operations at a $1 billion+ publicly traded company.  My intent with this new blog is to do a better job memorializing the personal and professional lessons learned while on this journey.

For my inaugural post, it's seems appropriate that I focus on the single word to which I attribute most of my success - "why".  Just three letters combine to pose an intensely personal and indispensable question.  Why?  Why do I get out of bed every morning?  Why do I work long hours often at the expense of other personal interests?  Why did I choose my current job?  Why do I protect certain hours of each day for family time even when I consequently get less sleep than I'd prefer?  Clarity and consistency of "why" has seemed to make all the difference for me.  It boils down to this...and in this order.

1. I believe family is the fundamental unit that produces happiness and success in society and in God's eternal plan
2. I'm seeking to make "significant contributions in the care of others"

I'll focus on the latter for purposes of this post.  The phrase "significant contributions in the care of others" is in quotation marks because those are the exact words that have been the standard against which I've measured every academic and professional decision since I was a junior in high school.  That clarity of "why" has guided me to find a valuable intersection of my aptitudes and passions in a professional setting.  It has helped me surround myself with like-minded people to learn from and work with.  It has guided my interpersonal exchanges with teammates and partners.  It has provided focus to my creative thoughts about growth and innovation.  When I have been most connected to that "why", I have been the most confident, happy, and successful.  

Here's the challenge...  Life gets really busy.  Balancing competing obligations and expectations just isn't easy.  I've read books about how to do it and at times I do a pretty good job.  However, with each change of personal or professional circumstance I have to figure it out all over again.  In those times, there inevitably comes a moment of stress-induced reflection when I realize that I've let my "why" become distant.  When I bring it back to the forefront of my daily purpose, the right things start to happen.  I'm drawn to the right people and the right people are drawn to me when my actions and communications conspicuously demonstrate my "why".  Ideas come, people are mobilized, and deals get done.  For me, clarity of "why" has been the most reliable leading indicator of success.  

So, lesson #1...  If you don't know what your personal "why" is, it's worth the effort to figure it out.  If you know what it is but haven't made it a part of how you function on a daily basis, figure out how to systematically make it top of mind.  Greater fulfillment and success will follow.

Discussion:  What is your "why"?

[Note:  Reading the book Start with Why by Simon Sinek put a very helpful framework around this concept for me.  It's something that I had come to know from experience, but the book really helped crystallize the ideas and provide examples to demonstrate their importance.]